if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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