you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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