you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't make out with my wife yet
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
