So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
even my farts smell like vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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