are you still at the devil's house?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
