I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this will be a night to untag.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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