If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
