Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want her autograph on my taint
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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