We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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