She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
