help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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