I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bit a glass in half.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
