i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
