Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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