Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
