I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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