I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
