My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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