I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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