i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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