I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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