i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
