i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
