How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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