I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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