I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
