My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
