You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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