No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
