just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
