i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
