A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
