i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
