she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
