Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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