wanna go halves on a baby?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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