"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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