u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
