you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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