im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
