i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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