exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
