He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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