I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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