is your mom at the bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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