Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
