would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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