"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
