woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
