She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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