You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
