In the future we'll all be gay
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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