a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
