Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
