can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
