I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
