porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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