I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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