Do you still have your period?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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