Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
