I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize