Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
