I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
