If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
