She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
