I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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