I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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