is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You are the jesus of drinking
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
