If that was your dad, he is hot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
