One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
