my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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