I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
