Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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