You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
