im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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